I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
