She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize