she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
