I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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