Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
