Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
