Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
