He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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