In the future we'll all be gay
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
