First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
