Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
