I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
All the doctor said was why
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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