so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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