do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
