I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
