take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
