Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
