flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
They have beer where we have blood.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
