and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
