I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
