So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
