How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
as a side note pls kill me
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
