I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
