If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
meet me or not, i'm out of control
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
