We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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