Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You ruined the universe
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize