I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
