I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
