do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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