why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
