why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
