Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Sext me about skeletons
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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