i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize