She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
