this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
