Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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