remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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