your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize