No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize