I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
