his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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