oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
