mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
