Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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