i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
