please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
