THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
