Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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