I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I have aggressive nipples.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
