I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
