come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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