I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
