Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
