I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
