Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
