Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize