I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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