shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
