this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Actions speak louder than pants.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
