I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Randomize
