omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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