Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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