Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
MIDGETS
????
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