Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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