i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
