OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
