i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
