Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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