I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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