just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
