My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
