Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
