What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
