I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
