put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
