I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
