i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Never underestimate the power of titties
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
