just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
